Days ordinarily beautiful....

The dawn of a fresh morning and the sound of chirping birds,
You refresh my mind each time with your words
Words you whisper have beautiful meanings,
You open my heart to wonderful feelings

The shining rays of the sun and the colourful rainbows,
The joy of seasons and occasions to celebrate sweet moments
Every moment seemed alive with you around,
Happiness fills my life and music my soul, surrounds

The touch of you makes me feel the best thing in life,
It’s been a sweet voyage to be alive in love
Is your presence reason enough to live,
And be grateful for all the blessings, down I receive.

Life is mysterious and difficult to understand,
The truths in here are hard and witness, you stand
What angel's disguise would you take if I deserve you,
I'd just ask for my soul, a lil’ love in return...

~ Manya

Still Alive

I am still here, but feeling rather hollow of mind, body and spirit these days...

I have a couple of very interesting intellectual flights of fancy, though. One involves my fantasy of leaving it all behind and living like an ascetic, but I am not sure I am ready to bequeath my worldly pleasures to live a spartan life to salvation. I think of salvaging my mind from burning on the pyre of love, b’cause these days, thinking in retrospective of all that my friend Rohit had to say, I must have been living a tad detached from my own being.

I wish I could act on a particular intuition that I have long carried inside me and know to be true, yet continue to run away from for the sake of not wanting to be unkind to those I love. I swear by the heavenly beings that I am at sea with my own emotions. Outwardly, I might seem to be calm and ignore the little things. But inwardly, being the innate thinker that I am, I add up those little things, and then inconvenience myself when things don’t tally up to my expectations. Those who are closest to me in proximity, and yet do not really know me, would interpret this tendency as simply another example of my propensity to be emotionally distant. But I, or they (if they bothered to think), cannot escape the fact that the ability to delineate patterns from a continuum of experience is necessary for survival. For those who understand me, I wish they ride the Ark with me as I flee the macrocosm the earth is, burning in eternal love with the seraph.

So, again I add up the little things, as I have many times before, and come up with the same answer as ever. I'm wish to be sick these days with whatever, and perhaps I secretly wish that I'll get sicker and sicker until I just pass away in my sleep one night. Of course, I fully realize I am just kidding, that is just the childish escapist in me not wanting to face reality. Perhaps it is an escape of a different sort that I need, one that is certainly more difficult than an ultimate escape, in that it requires one to be present for the consequences.

But, as ever, I am still alive and everything is alright as long as I don’t add up the little things and realize that my arguments on love are still ad hominem rather than tenable.

Make me love, my Lord!!!

Fill my heart with pain, Oh Lord
Or let me be avowedly mad in love
I desire not, the stars in the sky
Swathe me in the pure whites of moonlight…

Fill the skies with the sunlight now
My soul's been dark for ages
Sail me through the rolls of passion
Or turn my heart into stone, Oh Lord !!!